Dear (insert officer name here),

My name is _____ _____, and I am writing this letter to appeal for additional financial aid. I would like to begin by thanking you for accepting me as an undergraduate student at (schoo name). I also greatly appreciate the Special Recognition Scholarship of $5,000 that has been generously granted to me, but I’m afraid I will be unable to attend unless my financial aid offer is significantly higher.

My family moved to America several years ago, and we settled down with the help of my relatives already living here. My parents divorced before moving to America, and my mother constantly works to keep her children’s needs fulfilled. She is the only person with a job in our family; it is difficult to meet both the family’s basic needs and my financial need for college funds at the same time. As shown in the copy of FAFSA I sent with this letter, her current savings are around 500 dollars with untaxed income of $2,000. She cannot support my financial need even if she wanted to. I plan to work during summer before I enroll into a college, but without additional scholarships or aids, it would still not be enough.

The United States has truly been the land of opportunity to me. I moved from South Korea years ago. While living in America, I got to explore my potentials and demonstrate my abilities to the fullest; it changed my life and helped me grow. The opportunities such as volunteer services and activities outside of school I received or sought out helped me experience what I couldn’t have in Korea, and learn more about this world I am living in. Now I am here, about to finish high school and post-secondary education waiting just before my eyes. I don’t want to forfeit the pursuit of higher knowledge just because I am unable to pay for college.

My goal is to earn a degree in pharmacy so that I can be of service to this society as well as Korea, my home country. I have seen many people around me who have health problems but do not have enough resources to help themselves. I want to provide for those who are sick and in need. In order to do so, I need to learn in a place where I can receive the most professional education in pharmacy.

(school name) is the ideal college that I look forward to attend. It is the college that will provide me with the most excellent education regarding pharmacy. I know how important it is to earn a degree for a great career, and when I succeed, I want to give back to everyone who helped me till this day. Thank you for taking your time to read this letter, and I assure you that my main priority in college will be the same as it has been in my high school; education.

Thank you,

_____ _____

jy14 wrote:(school name) is the ideal college that I look forward to attend. It is the college that will provide me with the most excellent education regarding pharmacy. I know how important it is to earn a degree for a great career, and when I succeed, I want to give back to everyone who helped me up to this day. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, and I assure you that my main priority in college will be the same as it has been in my high school: education.

Thank you,

_____ _____

There are just a few gramatical changes that I noted above in red. Aside from that, the letter looks great. If you do not qualify for enough financial aid after sending your appeal letter, I would recommend looking into private student loans. If your mother does not qualify to cosign a loan with you, see if you can find another family member or close friend to serve as your cosigner, and be sure to talk to them about cosigner release if they are nervous to put their name on your loan.